Saturday, 12 August 2017

The NORTH.


                                                

Where is The North?

Some cheeky wags at thetab.com have worked out where THE NORTH is by calculating how many Greggs pie shops there are per capita of population. Of course they are wrong, as you can see by their silly map (above), which looks more like a dividing line between the North West, and the South East.

As someone who was born in leafy stockbroker Surrey, I have always believed that THE NORTH began at Croydon, but I have now done considerable research into the matter, and I present my map which illustrates where it REALLY starts (below).


As you can see, The South is all that area below a line between the Bristol Channel in the West, to the southern banks of The Thames estuary in the East, including London (which is The South's major city).

The Midlands is everything in between The South and The North; excluding Wales and East Anglia, which are independent regnums.

The NORTH is everywhere above a line between Liverpool in The West, and The Wash in The East. It ends at a place called Scotland (which is an area where Whisky is made).

Other islands off the coast are simply known by their names, and do not require geographical pin-pointing.

I hope this quells any continued confusion. 




47 comments:

  1. Everyone knows the north starts at Watford Gap so your north line needs to be lowered by half.

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    Replies
    1. You haven't been paying attention; Watford Gap is in The Midlands.

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    2. Your map looks like an illustration of meat cuts from a limousin bull.

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    3. Yes I know. I was away the day they did map drawing, at school.

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  2. You should listen to Rachel the expert of map drawing:) (i know nothing about it).

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    Replies
    1. Rachel lives in Norfolk (East Anglia) where they think that beyond Wisbech there are nothing but Dragons.

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    2. The famous 'here be dragons' marked on ye olde maps?

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    3. Wisbech is in fact in Cambridgeshire so we have nothing to do with it. It is now part of Lithuania and Latvia and has applied for asylum.

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  3. I think that you have got it spot on.
    I was born in The South and have lived in all of the regions except Wales, Scottyland and Ireland, but now, like you, we are Abroad. Greggs & Morrisons are from the north but beware what happens when they get too big for their britches and come south like Harry Ramsden's Fish & Chips from Guiseley.

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    Replies
    1. As you might see from the Greggs map, there was one in Brighton. Their buns and pies always looked ghastly.

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  4. Up North as in "We're living Oop North" begins at the Mersey-Humber line.

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    1. Walkers Warrington Ales and Greenhall Whitley and Higsons and the Chemics, the Wires, the Saints were all Oop North. It's loosely where Rugby League begins and Union fades away.

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    2. I think you're right about the Rugby. Up north they play the more girly version with lots of padding and 'no hair pulling' allowed. Whereas in the beautiful south they play the pukka man's game.

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    3. Did I mention that I used to play for a south coast team?

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  5. I have always been a Northerner and have always understood that the North was North of a line drawn through Birmingham and to The Wash.
    As for Gregg's pies - have never had one so wouldn't know.

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    1. If the 'frontier' started in Liverpool, then descended to Birmingham, then up to The Wash again, it would include Stoke and Derby, which sounds right.

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  6. I am more or less in agreement with your map. I was born in the Midlands...Leicester, but now live in Harpenden, Herts, which I believe is classed as SE.
    We recently had lunch with a member of the Gregg family....an old friend from when we used to live in " The North". !!

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    Replies
    1. Please don't tell your Gregg friend I said so, but their stuff looks like 'size over quality', which is probably why it sells so well.

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  7. Greggs is the North, full stop.

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    1. Their pies and sausage rolls are made from minced Whippet meat. This is true!

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    2. An amazingly successful company and shares regularly out-performed the market. Great shares for capital appreciation if you could get hold of them. They started to lose their way a bit when they expanded too fast and out of the north east though.

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    3. Another 'Sports Direct' maybe?

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  8. I'm not sure where the North starts even though I got Geography O level so I bow to your superior knowledge !!
    I've never knowingly had any of Greggs products and I hope that I never will !!! XXXX

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    Replies
    1. I never have either; they look unpleasant.

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  9. Oxford is in the South, while I agree Cambridge is not. I have lived in Midlands, the North and the South. The extremities of the country are more friendly, London is the worst place in the UK to live, the North and the South West are much nicer.

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    1. In my map Oxford is certainly in the south, but Cambridge is in the midlands. I would never accuse Cambridge of being northern.

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    2. I only spent about 4 years living in London, but loved every minute of it.

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    3. Cambridge is in the East Anglia.

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    4. East Anglia is Norfolk and Suffolk; not Cambridgeshire. Ely is an island in between.

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    5. Well it's not in the Midlands.

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    6. According to my map it is.

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  10. All I know about the North is that the weather isn't as good as down here in the South. My eldest son lives in Ayr in Scotland and almost always has three layers of clothes on. Not for me...
    Briony
    x

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    Replies
    1. They need the rain in Scotland for making Whisky.

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  11. Wonderful though and discussions indeed. Warm greetings to you.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you; I do my best to cause trouble.

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  12. I've lived in the south and the north but never in the middle bit. Yet.

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    Replies
    1. I did spend a while in Shropshire; I nearly went mad.

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  13. I wonder why there is no 'South Midlands'. They have North Midlands. Here in North East Somerset, we are more concerned about where Wales begins North of the Severn. It's a grey area around the Forest of Dean.

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    1. I also think they have East Midlands; maybe they are prejudiced against anything 'south'.

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  14. 'Here be dragons' etc ...
    As far as I'm concerned, 'the south' is synonymous with the south east, where all the money goes whenever the government decided to spend any. ;)

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    1. The SE is where it's made, and where the people are who make it, so I suppose it's only right that they benefit from their hard work

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    2. The south east is where it's made because that's where all the investment is!

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  15. I live in the "East Midlands" which I consider a misnomer for the Matlock area. I reckon your map is pretty close. I've never had anything from Greggs either so can't judge if they are good or bad.

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    Replies
    1. I think my map is more accurate than the one about Greggs pies; although I understand their thinking.

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  16. When I moved to Scotland I was called a Southerner which, as you will guess for someone coming from The North, is about as big an insult as one can bestow. The thing is that it was meant as an insult.

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